🦃The Holidays are coming, whether you like it or not.🦃

To take an edge off of the madness, here’s some Thanksgiving -isms for you.

Let the madness begin…


We were fooling around in the kitchen like half an hour before we were supposed to eat and knocked over the turkey. I want to clarify that my boyfriend and I werent fucking on top of the turkey. We were just frisky and making out at the same table. My dad was upstairs getting ready and my mom and brother were picking up my grandma who lives close by. As things got out of hand we knocked over the turkey.And we stood there and realized we had two choices: fess up, or just, like, put the turkey back and let everyone eat floor turkey.My boyfriend figured 5 second rule was still in effect and immediately put it back and tried to rearrange all the fixings. No one noticed, and we figured letting everyone eat turkey that had been on the floor for a bit was better than ruining Thanksgiving. Jess, 28

 

This could have been a whole lot worse than it was. One Thanksgiving, my whole family got food poisoning.

Best we can figure, we left some raw meat out somewhere and wound up preparing something else [that got contaminated with it].

It kicked in during sex with my girlfriend later that night, but luckily I made it to the bathroom before my butt exploded. Will, 28

Hot & Horny on Thanksgiving? Give us a call!

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My then-boyfriend was meeting my family for the first time on Thanksgiving, which in hindsight, was a lot of pressure to put on him. I could tell he was nervous when he first showed up, so before things kicked off, I brought him back to my bedroom to help him relax.My dad walked in on me giving him a blow job. My dad was so furious he kicked him out. I had to spend an awkward Thanksgiving dinner with my extended family, and my boyfriend had to drive 45 minutes home and explain to his family why they needed to put out another place-setting. Rachel, 28

Need to beat the meat? Give us a call.

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I had just discovered masturbating (thanks,Sex and the City!) and I was a late bloomer. I was late to the party. So I was doing it a lot.My mom walked in on me basting the turkeyright before we had to leave to go to my grandmas house.Even though she was a cool mom it was still an awkward car ride. I just listened to my CD player the whole time. Kim, 29

 

And, lastly…

Whatever your needs. Call us.

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[Images found throughout Google, and quotes are from: Here].

Have you ever wondered if your grandparents knew what sex toys were?

Are your grandparents sex toy savvy?

Are they prim and proper or completely badass?

Let’s find out what the Elders know via Elder’s React…

Do you have any funny sex toy stories? Have you found any old toys tucked away in the attic? Do you use any of the ones shown in this video? Or what kind of toys do you use? Let us know!

We are all ears! We are sex positive women who love to talk about all things sex! We love sex. We like talking dirty, and educating others about sex. Let’s talk!

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Can you guess what these are without looking down below?














Answer: These are Vibrators from the mid 20th century!

Hey, isn’t it crazy? Haven’t we advanced wonderfully in the world of Sex toys? We totally have!

If you ever find yourself in San Francisco, California, be sure to go visit the “Good Vibrations Antique Vibrator Museum”.

Here you may find vibrators from the 1880s to the 1940s.

Is that too far to travel? Did you know that you can find these old time vibrators for sale online? It’s at your own risk, of course… Etsy’s Vintage Vibrators.

What is your favorite vibrator? Do you have a vibrating cock ring? Do you like theHitachi Magic Wand Massager (like this), or the Hitachi P-spot Wand Massager (like this)?

Give me a call, we can have a Sex Toy Massage hangout. We can use our vibes together.

1-800-SEX TALK

I’m available all day, every day!

 

 

 

I am a thrill-seeker, and I needed a new adventure…

After scouring the internet, I found a post on Facebook about an underground Speak-Easy hidden in an old turn-of-the-century bank building. The new owners of the building discovered the hidden chambers in the bowels of the building, and decided to restore the venue completely. This FB post said that the owners were allowing the public to attend the Speak-Easy if they would RSVPd. (Which I promptly did). This sounded like a lot of fun. Apparently, after descending four flights of stairs, one could find a large hidden room behind a not so obvious trap door, and would walk into the world that existed during the Prohibition era. During the Prohibition, the bank had some rather interesting history: there had been a full-running distillery, packaging, and shipping company running underneath it. The illegal alcohol was being made and consumed by the bank owner, and no one ever knew. He was never caught, and the operations of the facility only ceased when the bank suffered a terrible loss in the 1940s. Yada yada yada


Anyways, its Friday night,

and with my confirmation print out in hand I entered the lobby. I was directed down a long thin hallway, and was told that I would find the stairs opposite of a large picture window. I went as directed, and found a solid wall opposite of the window.

I didn’t see him, but a man quietly stepped up behind me, and whispered into my ear, “Exciting, isn’t it?”

I felt a chill down my spine, and my body went cold. I slowly turned around, and this handsome rugged man stood behind me. Tipping his Stetson, he saw the fear in my eyes, and he immediately apologized. “Whoops! Looks like I frightened the little lady.”

I tried to smile. Where on earth did he come from? Reading my expression, a grin formed on his face, and he turns to point to the picture window.

I had accepted the idea of the window being a “true” window, when in fact, it was an actual “picture” of a window. And, this window slid back and forth on rails, exposing the true nature of its being: it was a cover to a passageway that led to a stairwell down below.

 

“After you.” He says to me.

I walk into the doorway, onto the landing, and look down below. Its a narrow stairwell, and mildly lit. He steps behind me, and closes the picture window. I get a whiff of his cologne, and find myself oddly attracted to him. We begin to descend. It is very quiet except for the creaking of the wooden stairs.

We get down to the first landing, and realize that the lights in the second stairwell is out. He tells me that he knows the way, and puts his hands on the small of my back, and gently guides me down. The touch of this hand makes me have feelings that I can’t quite explain. Here’s this handsome rugged looking cowboy type with the Stetson hat, and boots included, helping me find the way to an old speak easy in the dark. I don’t know what it is, but I want him to pull me into a room, and claim me as his own.

We get to the third landing, and I bump into something, I jump back, and knock strait into this guys hard abs. He catches me. He holds me for a moment. I don’t move. I can feel a rush of warmth into my nether areas, and I tremble a little.

“Hey, Miss, are you cold?” He holds onto me a little tighter.

I begin to relax, and melt into him.

After a long moment, he turns me around, and whispers into my ear: “I know a place where we can go. If that’s what you want.” I turn to him, and brush my lips against his cheek, and whisper a “yes”.

I feel my body being picked up, and hoisted over his shoulder. It’s scary as heck, but so invigorating. He carries me down to the last landing, and slides open an additional trap door, drops me in, enters himself, and slides the door shut.

We start making out. His fingers pass over my hourglass body, and finds my hard nipples pushing against my dress. He touches them, “Oh look at that, you are as hard as I am.” His arms go to work with unzipping my dress. It falls to the floor. He unclasps my bra, it too, falls to the floor. My C-cup breasts hang out, and with both hands he grasps them. He lightly pinches each nipple, and chuckles. He takes off his Stetson, and puts it on a hook along the wall. (Is this a broom closet?) He then hungrily takes my breasts one by one into his mouth. He sucks on them, and lightly massages them. A hand begins traveling down my stomach, and over my panties. He massages my panties, and I realize that I am extremely wet.

“Let me take these off for you. They only get in the way.” He proceeds to add my panties to the pile of clothes on the floor.

His hand makes its way back down to my privates. He gently rubs them, ever so easily brushing my clitoral hood. Kissing me passionately, he continues massaging me, and causes me to squirm with delight.

I find a top of a table behind me, and brace myself against it. Instead, he lifts me up, and put me on the table.

I reach a hand out, and feel a massive budge pushing against his jeans. He takes my hands, and pins them down on to the table. He leans into my face, “how would you like it? In the lady-bits, in the bum, or something else?”


What should I do next? Where do YOU want to put it? Tell me!

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Let’s finish this fantasy together. I am very turned on right now, but I want you to help me complete this story. 😉

One of my favorite times of the year is Halloween. I *LOVE* dressing up. Face it boys, it’s the ONE time us girls can go out in public looking like a slut without worrying about being arrested. Halloween should happen twice a year, just saying. 


So Halloween plus my favorite topic (SEX, duh!) brought me to this incredible discovery…

This is just a small sample of BAD DRAGONS work.

They have toys for everyone in mind: dildos, strap-ons, packers, sleeves, Masterbators, vibrators, etc…

All of these are customizable, and look absolutely amazing!

I really want to test out the 4th one. I wanna feel it inside me. Oh my gosh, just looking at it is turning me on. It’s making me so wet just day dreaming about it. I bet that those groves would massage my g-spot until I cum. Oh gosh, I need to get my vibrator out (it’s not as pretty as the one’s above, but it will tie me over for now), and start massaging my pussy. Will you call me and help me out?

1-800-SEX TALK

Please call me. Oh fuck…me.

 

 

FRIDAY’S STORY:

Thanks to one of our girls supplying her BFF’s Confessional. It’s from a guy’s perspective this week. Enjoy!


When I was a kid, there was this girl in day camp that I always thought was beautiful, but never had the guts to tell her or even talk to her. She wasn’t popular, and was in the group that the other campers would completely ignore. It think they were called, “the rejects”. It was a pretty bad label, and it followed them from summer to summer.  I always wondered if my peers were blind to her beauty or if I was just the weird one, and so I left it at that.

I always felt a little bit like a creeper, watching her from afar. She had shoulder length golden blonde hair, and these plastic framed glasses. I guess the glasses is why people labeled her “a reject”. Some folks just can’t see, and they get made fun of for it. It’s really messed up, and I wish that I was a better person back then to stand up for her… anyways, she always said hello to me in the morning, and smiled. I always felt little butterflies in my stomach when she did this. I would wait for her every morning, and her smile always made my insides squeeze, and my knees weak. I would purposefully sit next to her “by accident” on the camp buses just to smell her rosy scent. She used to make unusual lanyards, and I was always in awe to how she put them together. I think that I was in love, and then one day she disappeared.

She quit day camp, and my little 11 year old heart broke.

Well, fast forward about ten years, I was in college, and I am going to the library to study. I sit by an area that has reserved rooms, and I find myself looking up. No idea why, but I keep feeling drawn to this one room. Completely random, I know. The door opens from that reserved room, and this tall blonde with very long hair comes walking out. It takes my brain a second to register, but my insides immediately drop to the floor. I don’t know why or how, but I find myself blurting out her name. It came out more like a statement and less of question, she stops, and focuses on me. Her face, showing no recognition, faces in my direction. I find myself getting up, grabbing my things, and walking her way. She looks up at me, and her eyes widen with a faint recognition. “Oh”.

She looked at me. Her face had become even more beautiful. She had traded in the glasses for contacts, and had filled out up top. She wasn’t this little flat chested girl anymore. I found myself looking over her curves, and fine lines. She was incredibly hot, and all of those mean kids in day camp were surely missing out.

She caught my eyes, and looked deep inside. “Jeffery, is that you? Wow, you are handsome!” Yes, yes it was me. Oh I am handsome. She steps closer, “you were the sweet one in day camp. I always liked you”. She was close enough that I could smell her, and the hint of the rosy flavor was still there. I breathed in deeply trying to trap that flavor in my very being. I wanted drink her in. I wanted to taste her.

She stepped even closer, I was just inches from her face. “Hey, would you like to study with me? I have a study room all to myself. It gets pretty lonely in here, and—oh…” The closeness of her body, the fragrance, and the butterflies were a bit too much. We both look down, and I see that I have a ragging hard on poking her through my shorts. She looks up, bits her lower lip, and quickly pulls me into the study room. Closing the door behind her, she motions to me to throw my books into a pile on the floor, and I do so. She comes up to me, her hand massaging my crotch, and looks deep into my eyes, “what are we studying for today?” She breaks eye contact, and her hands travel down my body, and begin unbuttoning my shorts. She pulls them down to my ankles, and works back up to my tighty-whities. She pulls them down, and returns to look at my raging boner. She takes one of her hands, and delicately holds my penis. Then she looks at me, “oh Jeffery, I’ve been fantasizing about you since masterbating was a thing. I hope you don’t mind if I make that into a reality…” I nod, her gorgeous blue eyes break away, and she puts my penis in her mouth. The warmness of her hands, and mouth feel incredible. She strokes me, and pushes me deeper. I can’t exactly explain the wonderful sensation of deep throating a girl, but I had to brace myself against the furniture to throat fuck her. She gags, but continues to take me in. Her hands cup my balls, and lightly squeeze them. I feel a pulsating pleasure coming on. I can’t help the intense feeling that is riding in my groin. I pull my penis out, afraid to cum without pleasuring her first. She insists, and gently guides the head of my penis back into her mouth. She sucks it, licks its, and pushes it back down her throat. I can’t exactly explain the sensation, but it was a million times better than it was with using my own hands. I blindly orgasm into her sweet throat, and she sucks it down. I leave my penis there for a few seconds more, until she gently pulls it out. I am going flaccid. She stands up, I am again weak in the knees, and she looks into my eyes…


This is where he left off.

Apparently, he had gotten so turned on by recounting the storyline, that he needed a little “encouragement” to go on.

If you need a little “encouragement” yourself, give us a call.

You can be Jeffery, and I’ll be the hot girl from your youth.

Let’s do this!

 

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Today’s #ThursdayThoughts is a serious one: Have you fondled your balls lately? It may sound like a random thing to say, but hold up–fondling your balls can save your life. Here’s a quick video about Testicular Cancer. I’m not trying to make this blog a Debby Downer, but it is important to be gently reminded now and then to take care of your sex organs.

If you find yourself randomly turned on from touching yourself, and you want a little more self-loving, give me a call. You can tell me about this blog, and what you were doing to get yourself so turned on. I can even be a nurse fondling your balls. Or a sexy cop fondling your balls. Or even a naughty TSA agent, pulling you aside for a “closer inspection”. What ever your fantasy is–call me, and let me satisfy it. 😉

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