🦃The Holidays are coming, whether you like it or not.🦃

To take an edge off of the madness, here’s some Thanksgiving -isms for you.

Let the madness begin…


We were fooling around in the kitchen like half an hour before we were supposed to eat and knocked over the turkey. I want to clarify that my boyfriend and I werent fucking on top of the turkey. We were just frisky and making out at the same table. My dad was upstairs getting ready and my mom and brother were picking up my grandma who lives close by. As things got out of hand we knocked over the turkey.And we stood there and realized we had two choices: fess up, or just, like, put the turkey back and let everyone eat floor turkey.My boyfriend figured 5 second rule was still in effect and immediately put it back and tried to rearrange all the fixings. No one noticed, and we figured letting everyone eat turkey that had been on the floor for a bit was better than ruining Thanksgiving. Jess, 28

 

This could have been a whole lot worse than it was. One Thanksgiving, my whole family got food poisoning.

Best we can figure, we left some raw meat out somewhere and wound up preparing something else [that got contaminated with it].

It kicked in during sex with my girlfriend later that night, but luckily I made it to the bathroom before my butt exploded. Will, 28

Hot & Horny on Thanksgiving? Give us a call!

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My then-boyfriend was meeting my family for the first time on Thanksgiving, which in hindsight, was a lot of pressure to put on him. I could tell he was nervous when he first showed up, so before things kicked off, I brought him back to my bedroom to help him relax.My dad walked in on me giving him a blow job. My dad was so furious he kicked him out. I had to spend an awkward Thanksgiving dinner with my extended family, and my boyfriend had to drive 45 minutes home and explain to his family why they needed to put out another place-setting. Rachel, 28

Need to beat the meat? Give us a call.

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I had just discovered masturbating (thanks,Sex and the City!) and I was a late bloomer. I was late to the party. So I was doing it a lot.My mom walked in on me basting the turkeyright before we had to leave to go to my grandmas house.Even though she was a cool mom it was still an awkward car ride. I just listened to my CD player the whole time. Kim, 29

 

And, lastly…

Whatever your needs. Call us.

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[Images found throughout Google, and quotes are from: Here].

Listen up Men…

If you are not getting any, or participating in self-pleasure you aren’t doing yourself ANY¬†favors.

In fact, you may be putting your physical and mental health in danger.

Here are a few inserts from a Men’s Health Magazine that should help encourage you to pick up your cellphone and call 1-800-SEX-TALK right away…



If you don’t masturbate, your risk of prostate cancer goes up.

If your dry spell extends to the self-pleasure zone i.e., if you’re not masturbating at all research says that’s not healthy. In fact, multiple studies have pointed to the conclusion that “high ejaculation frequency” (a.k.a. jerking off at least 4.6 to seven times a week) is linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer. So get out those baby wipes and turn on Pornhub for the sake of your own health.

 

Your immune system gets weaker.

Orgasms are incredibly beneficial to your immune system, as psychologists Carl Charnetski and Francis Brennan Jr. found. They conducted a study where they asked patients who were having sex once or twice a week to provide saliva samples. Those samples were found to contain an extremely high concentration of the common-cold busting antibody immunoglobulin A. Who knew that extremely close contact was a net-positive in terms of preventing illness?

 

Your blood pressure can spike.

A great night of lovemaking can make literally everything else in the world feel better. Even if your boss won’t stop breathing down your neck, or if you’re under a bunch of deadlines, youre consistently getting laid, so all of that stuff seems super manageable.

Science says thats not a coincidence. In fact, a 2006 study in the medical journal Biological Psychology found that people who were having regular sex had lower levels of blood pressure than those who weren’t.



Pretty scary, huh?

Check out the rest of the article here.

So rather than have to make the above a reality, give us a call.

Self-pleasuring is healthy after all, and we want you to live a long, wonderful life.

1-800-SEX TALK

Have you ever wondered if your grandparents knew what sex toys were?

Are your grandparents sex toy savvy?

Are they prim and proper or completely badass?

Let’s find out what the Elders know via Elder’s React…

Do you have any funny sex toy stories? Have you found any old toys tucked away in the attic? Do you use any of the ones shown in this video? Or what kind of toys do you use? Let us know!

We are all ears! We are sex positive women who love to talk about all things sex! We love sex. We like talking dirty, and educating others about sex. Let’s talk!

1-800-SEX TALK

I swear that I love my job. Right now, I am wearing pink delicate panties with white lace, and a white semi-see through bra for my double Ds. I am laying on my back on my oversized round rotating Italian bed. I have my rabbit vibrator in one hand, and my cellphone in another.

I love bringing your fantasies to life. It is especially fun when you get me so turned on that I join you in the action. Just yesterday, I had a man that had this wonderfully sexy teacher-student fantasy:

He imagined me as his high school English teacher, Mrs. Bianca. She was a woman with big breasts and would bend over his desk whenever he needed help. He asked me to be Mrs. Bianca scolding him for not doing his homework. Apart of the punishment was grabbing his balls outside of his clothes, and whispering into his ears of all of the naughty things she was going to do to him. It went something like this


 

[Standing in front of Georges desk.]

Mrs. Bianca: George*, I need your book report on my desk this instant, or you are going to fail my class.

[George sitting at desk].

George: Iuh.

 

Mrs. Bianca: George? WHERE is your report?

George: Well, Iuh, I..uh

 

[Teacher bends over desk. Her boobs are dangling in front of Georges face].

Mrs. Bianca: You dont have it, do you? What AM I going to do with you, George? Youre going to FAIL my class unless you DO something about it!

 

[George looking hungrily at her boobs].

George: ma-maybe extra-extra credit or something?

 

Mrs. Bianca: Extra Credit for a report that I gave you a MONTH to write? Oh the nerve!

 

[George eye balling her breasts, feels a tingle between his legs].

George: …uh..may-maybe I can do something for you? I can clean your white board, or wash your desk—I can do whatever you want, whatever you needanything.

 

Mrs. Bianca: Anything? [She stands back up] You know, George, you should always be careful for what you wish for. [She unbuttons two buttons at the top of her blouse]. Okay, George, youve got itExtra Credit.

 

[George begins touching himself, and his teacher notices].

Mrs. Bianca: NO, George! Hands off! [She walks over to him]. GET UP!

 

[George gets up, and stands in front of his teacher. Mrs. Bianca, takes her hand, and grabs Georges balls. She leans in, and squeezes them].

 

Mrs. Bianca: For being a very naughty boy, I am going to have to teach you how to behave.

 

[Her hand then slips into his jeans. She grabs his hard cock, and squeezes it gently].

 

Mrs. Bianca: I am going to take out this hard-throbbing cock, and make it make my pussy sing.

 

[She presses up against George, and inches from his nose]

 

Mrs. Bianca: This is my cock now. I own it. You will do whatever I say. You will fuck me like your life depends on it. Because it does. You will make me cum so hard. If you dont, then kiss goodbye your A for this class.

 

[She unzips his pants, and pulls it down to the floor. She pulls down his underpants, and exposes his large swollen penis].

 

Mrs. Bianca: Oh, look at that naughty boys pecker, if only the rest of his body stood at attention like this part, you might be passing my class. Now, George, tell me exactly HOW naughty youve been, and how you need to be punished.

 

George: I uh..Ive been so-so very naughty teacher, I need to be punished.

 

[Mrs. Bianca unbuttons the remainder of her blouse].

 

Mrs. Bianca: Yes, you have, George. So very naughty. George, Im going to only tell you this once, and you must listen very carefully

 

[She lifts up her skirt, exposing the fact that she doesnt wear undergarments].

 

George: MmMmm

 

Mrs. Bianca: Fuck. Me. Right. Now.

 


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CALL ME ANYTIME.

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*names changed to protect his identity