🦃The Holidays are coming, whether you like it or not.🦃

To take an edge off of the madness, here’s some Thanksgiving -isms for you.

Let the madness begin…


We were fooling around in the kitchen like half an hour before we were supposed to eat and knocked over the turkey. I want to clarify that my boyfriend and I werent fucking on top of the turkey. We were just frisky and making out at the same table. My dad was upstairs getting ready and my mom and brother were picking up my grandma who lives close by. As things got out of hand we knocked over the turkey.And we stood there and realized we had two choices: fess up, or just, like, put the turkey back and let everyone eat floor turkey.My boyfriend figured 5 second rule was still in effect and immediately put it back and tried to rearrange all the fixings. No one noticed, and we figured letting everyone eat turkey that had been on the floor for a bit was better than ruining Thanksgiving. Jess, 28

 

This could have been a whole lot worse than it was. One Thanksgiving, my whole family got food poisoning.

Best we can figure, we left some raw meat out somewhere and wound up preparing something else [that got contaminated with it].

It kicked in during sex with my girlfriend later that night, but luckily I made it to the bathroom before my butt exploded. Will, 28

Hot & Horny on Thanksgiving? Give us a call!

1-800-SEX TALK

My then-boyfriend was meeting my family for the first time on Thanksgiving, which in hindsight, was a lot of pressure to put on him. I could tell he was nervous when he first showed up, so before things kicked off, I brought him back to my bedroom to help him relax.My dad walked in on me giving him a blow job. My dad was so furious he kicked him out. I had to spend an awkward Thanksgiving dinner with my extended family, and my boyfriend had to drive 45 minutes home and explain to his family why they needed to put out another place-setting. Rachel, 28

Need to beat the meat? Give us a call.

1-800-SEX TALK

I had just discovered masturbating (thanks,Sex and the City!) and I was a late bloomer. I was late to the party. So I was doing it a lot.My mom walked in on me basting the turkeyright before we had to leave to go to my grandmas house.Even though she was a cool mom it was still an awkward car ride. I just listened to my CD player the whole time. Kim, 29

 

And, lastly…

Whatever your needs. Call us.

1-800-SEX TALK

 

 

[Images found throughout Google, and quotes are from: Here].

Listen up Men…

If you are not getting any, or participating in self-pleasure you aren’t doing yourself ANY favors.

In fact, you may be putting your physical and mental health in danger.

Here are a few inserts from a Men’s Health Magazine that should help encourage you to pick up your cellphone and call 1-800-SEX-TALK right away…



If you don’t masturbate, your risk of prostate cancer goes up.

If your dry spell extends to the self-pleasure zone i.e., if you’re not masturbating at all research says that’s not healthy. In fact, multiple studies have pointed to the conclusion that “high ejaculation frequency” (a.k.a. jerking off at least 4.6 to seven times a week) is linked to a lower risk of prostate cancer. So get out those baby wipes and turn on Pornhub for the sake of your own health.

 

Your immune system gets weaker.

Orgasms are incredibly beneficial to your immune system, as psychologists Carl Charnetski and Francis Brennan Jr. found. They conducted a study where they asked patients who were having sex once or twice a week to provide saliva samples. Those samples were found to contain an extremely high concentration of the common-cold busting antibody immunoglobulin A. Who knew that extremely close contact was a net-positive in terms of preventing illness?

 

Your blood pressure can spike.

A great night of lovemaking can make literally everything else in the world feel better. Even if your boss won’t stop breathing down your neck, or if you’re under a bunch of deadlines, youre consistently getting laid, so all of that stuff seems super manageable.

Science says thats not a coincidence. In fact, a 2006 study in the medical journal Biological Psychology found that people who were having regular sex had lower levels of blood pressure than those who weren’t.



Pretty scary, huh?

Check out the rest of the article here.

So rather than have to make the above a reality, give us a call.

Self-pleasuring is healthy after all, and we want you to live a long, wonderful life.

1-800-SEX TALK

Have you ever wondered if your grandparents knew what sex toys were?

Are your grandparents sex toy savvy?

Are they prim and proper or completely badass?

Let’s find out what the Elders know via Elder’s React…

Do you have any funny sex toy stories? Have you found any old toys tucked away in the attic? Do you use any of the ones shown in this video? Or what kind of toys do you use? Let us know!

We are all ears! We are sex positive women who love to talk about all things sex! We love sex. We like talking dirty, and educating others about sex. Let’s talk!

1-800-SEX TALK

I swear that I love my job. Right now, I am wearing pink delicate panties with white lace, and a white semi-see through bra for my double Ds. I am laying on my back on my oversized round rotating Italian bed. I have my rabbit vibrator in one hand, and my cellphone in another.

I love bringing your fantasies to life. It is especially fun when you get me so turned on that I join you in the action. Just yesterday, I had a man that had this wonderfully sexy teacher-student fantasy:

He imagined me as his high school English teacher, Mrs. Bianca. She was a woman with big breasts and would bend over his desk whenever he needed help. He asked me to be Mrs. Bianca scolding him for not doing his homework. Apart of the punishment was grabbing his balls outside of his clothes, and whispering into his ears of all of the naughty things she was going to do to him. It went something like this


 

[Standing in front of Georges desk.]

Mrs. Bianca: George*, I need your book report on my desk this instant, or you are going to fail my class.

[George sitting at desk].

George: Iuh.

 

Mrs. Bianca: George? WHERE is your report?

George: Well, Iuh, I..uh

 

[Teacher bends over desk. Her boobs are dangling in front of Georges face].

Mrs. Bianca: You dont have it, do you? What AM I going to do with you, George? Youre going to FAIL my class unless you DO something about it!

 

[George looking hungrily at her boobs].

George: ma-maybe extra-extra credit or something?

 

Mrs. Bianca: Extra Credit for a report that I gave you a MONTH to write? Oh the nerve!

 

[George eye balling her breasts, feels a tingle between his legs].

George: …uh..may-maybe I can do something for you? I can clean your white board, or wash your desk—I can do whatever you want, whatever you needanything.

 

Mrs. Bianca: Anything? [She stands back up] You know, George, you should always be careful for what you wish for. [She unbuttons two buttons at the top of her blouse]. Okay, George, youve got itExtra Credit.

 

[George begins touching himself, and his teacher notices].

Mrs. Bianca: NO, George! Hands off! [She walks over to him]. GET UP!

 

[George gets up, and stands in front of his teacher. Mrs. Bianca, takes her hand, and grabs Georges balls. She leans in, and squeezes them].

 

Mrs. Bianca: For being a very naughty boy, I am going to have to teach you how to behave.

 

[Her hand then slips into his jeans. She grabs his hard cock, and squeezes it gently].

 

Mrs. Bianca: I am going to take out this hard-throbbing cock, and make it make my pussy sing.

 

[She presses up against George, and inches from his nose]

 

Mrs. Bianca: This is my cock now. I own it. You will do whatever I say. You will fuck me like your life depends on it. Because it does. You will make me cum so hard. If you dont, then kiss goodbye your A for this class.

 

[She unzips his pants, and pulls it down to the floor. She pulls down his underpants, and exposes his large swollen penis].

 

Mrs. Bianca: Oh, look at that naughty boys pecker, if only the rest of his body stood at attention like this part, you might be passing my class. Now, George, tell me exactly HOW naughty youve been, and how you need to be punished.

 

George: I uh..Ive been so-so very naughty teacher, I need to be punished.

 

[Mrs. Bianca unbuttons the remainder of her blouse].

 

Mrs. Bianca: Yes, you have, George. So very naughty. George, Im going to only tell you this once, and you must listen very carefully

 

[She lifts up her skirt, exposing the fact that she doesnt wear undergarments].

 

George: MmMmm

 

Mrs. Bianca: Fuck. Me. Right. Now.

 


WANT MORE? CALL ME. LET’S FINISH THIS SCENE TOGETHER.

1-800-SEX TALK

CALL ME ANYTIME.

—– 1800SEXT TALK—-

*names changed to protect his identity

Can you guess what these are without looking down below?














Answer: These are Vibrators from the mid 20th century!

Hey, isn’t it crazy? Haven’t we advanced wonderfully in the world of Sex toys? We totally have!

If you ever find yourself in San Francisco, California, be sure to go visit the “Good Vibrations Antique Vibrator Museum”.

Here you may find vibrators from the 1880s to the 1940s.

Is that too far to travel? Did you know that you can find these old time vibrators for sale online? It’s at your own risk, of course… Etsy’s Vintage Vibrators.

What is your favorite vibrator? Do you have a vibrating cock ring? Do you like theHitachi Magic Wand Massager (like this), or the Hitachi P-spot Wand Massager (like this)?

Give me a call, we can have a Sex Toy Massage hangout. We can use our vibes together.

1-800-SEX TALK

I’m available all day, every day!

 

 

 

I am a thrill-seeker, and I needed a new adventure…

After scouring the internet, I found a post on Facebook about an underground Speak-Easy hidden in an old turn-of-the-century bank building. The new owners of the building discovered the hidden chambers in the bowels of the building, and decided to restore the venue completely. This FB post said that the owners were allowing the public to attend the Speak-Easy if they would RSVPd. (Which I promptly did). This sounded like a lot of fun. Apparently, after descending four flights of stairs, one could find a large hidden room behind a not so obvious trap door, and would walk into the world that existed during the Prohibition era. During the Prohibition, the bank had some rather interesting history: there had been a full-running distillery, packaging, and shipping company running underneath it. The illegal alcohol was being made and consumed by the bank owner, and no one ever knew. He was never caught, and the operations of the facility only ceased when the bank suffered a terrible loss in the 1940s. Yada yada yada


Anyways, its Friday night,

and with my confirmation print out in hand I entered the lobby. I was directed down a long thin hallway, and was told that I would find the stairs opposite of a large picture window. I went as directed, and found a solid wall opposite of the window.

I didn’t see him, but a man quietly stepped up behind me, and whispered into my ear, “Exciting, isn’t it?”

I felt a chill down my spine, and my body went cold. I slowly turned around, and this handsome rugged man stood behind me. Tipping his Stetson, he saw the fear in my eyes, and he immediately apologized. “Whoops! Looks like I frightened the little lady.”

I tried to smile. Where on earth did he come from? Reading my expression, a grin formed on his face, and he turns to point to the picture window.

I had accepted the idea of the window being a “true” window, when in fact, it was an actual “picture” of a window. And, this window slid back and forth on rails, exposing the true nature of its being: it was a cover to a passageway that led to a stairwell down below.

 

“After you.” He says to me.

I walk into the doorway, onto the landing, and look down below. Its a narrow stairwell, and mildly lit. He steps behind me, and closes the picture window. I get a whiff of his cologne, and find myself oddly attracted to him. We begin to descend. It is very quiet except for the creaking of the wooden stairs.

We get down to the first landing, and realize that the lights in the second stairwell is out. He tells me that he knows the way, and puts his hands on the small of my back, and gently guides me down. The touch of this hand makes me have feelings that I can’t quite explain. Here’s this handsome rugged looking cowboy type with the Stetson hat, and boots included, helping me find the way to an old speak easy in the dark. I don’t know what it is, but I want him to pull me into a room, and claim me as his own.

We get to the third landing, and I bump into something, I jump back, and knock strait into this guys hard abs. He catches me. He holds me for a moment. I don’t move. I can feel a rush of warmth into my nether areas, and I tremble a little.

“Hey, Miss, are you cold?” He holds onto me a little tighter.

I begin to relax, and melt into him.

After a long moment, he turns me around, and whispers into my ear: “I know a place where we can go. If that’s what you want.” I turn to him, and brush my lips against his cheek, and whisper a “yes”.

I feel my body being picked up, and hoisted over his shoulder. It’s scary as heck, but so invigorating. He carries me down to the last landing, and slides open an additional trap door, drops me in, enters himself, and slides the door shut.

We start making out. His fingers pass over my hourglass body, and finds my hard nipples pushing against my dress. He touches them, “Oh look at that, you are as hard as I am.” His arms go to work with unzipping my dress. It falls to the floor. He unclasps my bra, it too, falls to the floor. My C-cup breasts hang out, and with both hands he grasps them. He lightly pinches each nipple, and chuckles. He takes off his Stetson, and puts it on a hook along the wall. (Is this a broom closet?) He then hungrily takes my breasts one by one into his mouth. He sucks on them, and lightly massages them. A hand begins traveling down my stomach, and over my panties. He massages my panties, and I realize that I am extremely wet.

“Let me take these off for you. They only get in the way.” He proceeds to add my panties to the pile of clothes on the floor.

His hand makes its way back down to my privates. He gently rubs them, ever so easily brushing my clitoral hood. Kissing me passionately, he continues massaging me, and causes me to squirm with delight.

I find a top of a table behind me, and brace myself against it. Instead, he lifts me up, and put me on the table.

I reach a hand out, and feel a massive budge pushing against his jeans. He takes my hands, and pins them down on to the table. He leans into my face, “how would you like it? In the lady-bits, in the bum, or something else?”


What should I do next? Where do YOU want to put it? Tell me!

1-800-SEX TALK

Let’s finish this fantasy together. I am very turned on right now, but I want you to help me complete this story. 😉